1 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,360 - Yah! - (WHIP CRACKS) 2 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,40 - Yah! - (PANICKED GASPING) 3 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,240 (CHAINS RATTLE) 4 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:23,880 - (WHIP CRACKS) - Yah! 5 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,960 Ah! Ah! 6 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,520 (INDISTINCT PROTESTING) 7 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,160 (HORN BLASTS) 8 00:01:31,80 --> 00:01:32,400 (HORSE PUFFS) 9 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:33,960 (COCK CROWS) 10 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,520 - (HORSE WHINNIES) - Whoa! 11 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,680 Simba! Pebble! Tik-Tikk! 12 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,840 Go and put a poster up in that shop. 13 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,320 ALL: Yes, Papa Lazarou. 14 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,440 Tell them the circus is coming to town. 15 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,520 (SHOP BELL DINGS) 16 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,640 Hello? Is there anybody there? 17 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,320 (ALL GIGGLE) 18 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,120 Ah! Oh! Oh! 19 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,760 Yes? 20 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,720 Good morning! 21 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,400 Morning... 22 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,360 Can | help you at all? 23 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,80 Can you put this up in your shop? 24 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,880 (SCREAMS) Edward! Edward! 25 00:02:34,00 --> 00:02:36,640 Hello? What's going on? What's all this shouting? 26 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,280 We'll have no trouble here. 27 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,440 Look, Edward - 28 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,280 children. 29 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,00 They are not children - 30 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,80 they are monsters! 31 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,120 You're no oil painting yourself, mister! 32 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,120 Do you want lollipops? 33 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,560 Get out! 34 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,120 Get out! Do you hear me? 35 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,320 This is a local shop for local people. 36 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,560 There's nothing for you here! 37 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,760 Demons! 38 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,560 Look, Edward, it's a freak show! 39 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,160 Shall we take David along? 40 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,520 No, Tubbs. 41 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,880 We wouldn't want to frighten them. 42 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,240 Get in! 43 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,880 (CLAMBERING) 44 00:03:19,80 --> 00:03:21,120 - (WHIP CRACKS) - Yah! Yah! 45 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,560 (SIGHS) 46 00:03:36,80 --> 00:03:37,320 Val! 47 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,120 Am | to do all the chores on my own today? 48 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,120 I'm sorry. | was miles away. 49 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,800 - (WATER SPLASHES) - (HARVEY HUMS) 50 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,920 (RATTLING IN SINK) 51 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,800 Oh, girls, | do wish you wouldn't keep doing that! 52 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,760 BOTH: Mummy, why are you thinking about Cousin Benjamin? 53 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,680 - I'm not! - Yes, you are. 54 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,960 You think the house seems empty without him. 55 00:04:04,80 --> 00:04:05,960 You wish he was still living here. 56 00:04:06,80 --> 00:04:08,280 You wish Daddy had given you a son... 57 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,680 ...as well as daughters. 58 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,480 Don't be ridiculous, girls. 59 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,120 We're perfectly happy the way we are, aren't we, Harvey? 60 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,400 Oh, yes, indeed. 61 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,360 Think of the difficulties a son would provide - 62 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,80 the nightmare of puberty, 63 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,360 endless sojourns in the bathroom 64 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,600 as Junior shakes hot, white coconuts 65 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,480 from the veiny love tree. 66 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,760 Yes, we're better off with Chloe and Radclyffe. 67 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:32,880 Now, Val, 68 00:04:33,00 --> 00:04:36,200 if you can turn your mind from such trivial matters... 69 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,680 ... this coal won't clean itself. 70 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,880 (SHOP BELL DINGS) 71 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,880 Excuse me, how much is this? 72 00:04:59,00 --> 00:05:00,760 Oh, it should say on it, dear. Has it got a price on it? 73 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,640 - Don't think so. - Let's have a look. 74 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,880 Nah, there's no price on it! 75 00:05:05,00 --> 00:05:06,360 - (BUZZER) - Reenie! Reenie! 76 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,320 | need a price check! What is it, dear? 77 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,440 - It's a cassette. - It's a cassette, is it? 78 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,280 All right, here | am, dear! What's wrong? 79 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,40 I've got a gentleman here. He's got a cassette. 80 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,200 - A what? - A cassette. 81 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,240 It's a cassette, is it? Does he want a bag for it, dear? 82 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,800 No, dear, there's no price on it. 83 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,80 | want a price check, dear. 84 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,240 - What does he want? - A cassette. 85 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:22,640 A cassette. Right. 86 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,880 She won't be a minute, dear. Do you want a bag for that? 87 00:05:25,00 --> 00:05:26,560 - Yes, please. - Let's have a look. 88 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,840 That too big, is it? It's a good bag, is that. 89 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,920 | should charge you extra for that bag! 90 00:05:31,40 --> 00:05:33,240 Here we are, dear, | got the cassettes. 91 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,40 - Which cassette does he want? - No, dear, 92 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,560 he's got a cassette here! 93 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,920 Oh, | see! He's brought us a cassette, has he? 94 00:05:39,40 --> 00:05:41,400 Thank you very much, dear. Can we keep the bag? 95 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,360 No, | want to buy the cassette, but there's no price on it. 96 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,840 No, dear, he's got a cassette here. 97 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,200 | want a price check, dear. 98 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,360 All right! No need to be rude, dear! 99 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,80 - I'm not being rude, dear. - You are rude, dear. 100 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,560 I'm not! 101 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,880 Where's the book, Reenie? Have you seen the book, Reenie? 102 00:05:54,00 --> 00:05:55,920 He wants a book as well, does he? Right. 103 00:05:56,40 --> 00:05:58,80 Here we are, look. Right, one cassette. 104 00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,360 How do you spell that, dear? 105 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,80 - C-A-S-S... - Just a minute! C-A... 106 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,440 Tell you what, just put "tape". 107 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:04,480 Right. 108 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,440 Here we are, dear! I've got the books. 109 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:07,880 Now, which book does he want? 110 00:06:08,00 --> 00:06:09,320 - | don't want a book! - He wants 111 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,800 - some tape as well, dear. - Oh, he wants some tape? 112 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,280 Does he want a bag for that, dear? 113 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,00 - Do you want a bag for that? - No! 114 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,720 BOTH: No need to be rude, dear! 115 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,760 I'm not being rude, | just want to buy the tape! 116 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,640 - What about the cassette? - Well, how much is it? 117 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,720 Let's say...12p? 118 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,760 Right. Thank you. 119 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,40 Now I'll have to get change. 120 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,320 - Reenie! - (BUZZER) 121 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,440 - Reenie! - Just a minute, dear! 122 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,80 Just a minute. (WHEEZES) | got the tape. 123 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,320 What tape does he want? 124 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,760 He wants some change as well, dear. 125 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:33,960 He wants to get changed? 126 00:06:34,80 --> 00:06:35,360 Well, you can get changed in here, dear! 127 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,880 There's no-one looking. 128 00:06:37,00 --> 00:06:38,80 Just the jacket, is it? 129 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,520 Right, | have to put it all in the book, Reenie. That's it. 130 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:45,40 That's the cassette, the tapes, the books and the jacket. 131 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,720 All together, that's... 132 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,240 ...28 pence, please. 133 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,40 Do you want a bag for that, dear? 134 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,680 (BANGING) Let me out! Someone let me out! 135 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,240 OK... 136 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,840 So we'll get the penguin boy set up over there. 137 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,560 Let's have the giant down there... 138 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,80 My weight is 17 stone. 139 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,640 The circumference of my neck is 18 inches. 140 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,360 Not yet! OK, Simba, 141 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,40 I'm going to leave you in charge. 142 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,440 Me and Mama are going to go into town, sell some pegs. 143 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:17,760 All right, boss. 144 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,720 | want to see everything set up when | get back. 145 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,280 And don't hit the giant! 146 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,600 ALL: We won't! 147 00:07:30,00 --> 00:07:32,600 - My weight is 17 stone... - Ah! Agh! Ah! 148 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,520 The circumference of my neck... 149 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,720 BARBARA: Excuse me, are you with the carnival? 150 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,40 - What do you think? - My name's Barbara. 151 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,160 | was wondering if | could join your freak show? 152 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,840 Oh, yeah? You want to be one of us? 153 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,560 Yeah. Anything to get away from here. 154 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,80 What's your speciality? 155 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,720 Well, | thought | could be a bearded lady. 156 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,800 Sorry, mate, we've already got one. 157 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,160 BARBARA: The thing is, | went in for a sex-change operation, 158 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,160 but there were complications. 159 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,200 So, did they turn you into aman or a woman? 160 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,160 BARBARA: | dunno. | can't work it out. 161 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,40 What do you think? 162 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,320 The circumference of my neck is 18 inches... 163 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,760 Shut up! 164 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:26,160 Hokey-cokey, pig-in-a-pokey! Good morning, jobseekers! 165 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,440 Now, | see we have a few new faces joining 166 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,920 our little Restart course this morning, 167 00:08:31,40 --> 00:08:33,00 so | want you all to make them feel very welcome. 168 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,640 Remember, we're all in the same boat. 169 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,760 Well, I'm not - I've got a job - 170 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,760 but you're all in the same boat. 171 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,520 And, as such, | want for you to think of me as your Cox. 172 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,40 - Cox! - Now, this morning, 173 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,480 we're going to start by writing up on the board... 174 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:49,600 Oh. 175 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,120 Can | help you? 176 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,320 Who the frig are you? 177 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,240 And what are you doing writing on my pad?! 178 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,400 If you'd have been here on time, you'd know by now. 179 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,320 My name is Cathy Carter-Smith, 180 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,240 and this is now my pad. 181 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,600 Yeah. | think you've got the wrong room, dear. 182 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,40 If you're after WeightWatchers, you've to go down the stairs... 183 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,240 Don't make this harder than it has to be, Pauline. 184 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,200 You were fired for violent conduct. 185 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,640 What do you think you're doing here? 186 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,360 This is my Restart! 187 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:19,720 Exactly. 188 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,80 And | am your Restart officer. 189 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,680 So, sit down, shut up and start learning. 190 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,80 That's it. Right, then, jobbies, 191 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,120 there are going to be a few changes around here. 192 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,680 Rule number one - no smoking. 193 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,40 | Know you lot have got nothing to live for, but | do. 194 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:53,320 Rule number two - | want you all to sit up straight. 195 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,600 You! Monkey man! 196 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,880 You look like your back’'s broken! What's your name? 197 00:09:58,00 --> 00:09:59,800 His name is Mickey. 198 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,520 You leave him alone. 199 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,120 I'll leave him alone when he does as he's told. 200 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,800 That's better. Right, 201 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,360 take me through what you've been doing on the computers. 202 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,920 They haven't been 203 00:10:16,40 --> 00:10:17,880 - on the computers. - What? 204 00:10:18,00 --> 00:10:20,40 They've got pens. 205 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,400 Pens? 206 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,40 Yeah - pens! 207 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,640 Oh, | see. 208 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,120 That's what | think of pens. 209 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,120 Pauline... 210 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,680 ... she's worse than you! 211 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,360 Right, we're going to have to start from scratch. 212 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,00 I'm going to get you dunces web-wise 213 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,560 by the end of this week or my name ain't CC Smith. 214 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,00 Clean that board, you! 215 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:53,160 A computer is like a big electronic brain, 216 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,400 full of different kinds of chips. 217 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,240 No, not the ones that you have for your tea 218 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:58,560 every single night. 219 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,80 Well, come on, you. We haven't got all day! 220 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,360 No! 221 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:05,480 You what?! 222 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,640 Just who do you think you're talking to? 223 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,320 Well, according to my report, a psychotic 50-year-old lesbian! 224 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,600 How dare you?! 225 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,80 I'm 48! 226 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,520 What do you want me to do about it? 227 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,80 Roll over and shit Mars bars? 228 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,920 You listen to me, you tubby little tit witch! 229 00:11:22,40 --> 00:11:24,800 These poor bastards rely on me! 230 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,800 I'm the only reason they've got to drag themselves out of bed 231 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,280 first thing in the afternoon. 232 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,800 You can't just come marching in here, 233 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:31,840 telling them they're useless. 234 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,00 That is my job. 235 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,360 Not is - was! 236 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,480 You haven't got a job, remember? 237 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,120 They told me you were hard. 238 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,120 | can't believe you're such a pushover. 239 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,120 Now, get out of my sight and my Restart, 240 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,920 before | shove your pens where the sun don't shine. 241 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,720 Right, then, part one of The Idiot's Guide To Computers - 242 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,40 who can tell me what electricity is? Anybody’?! 243 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,120 Pauline! 244 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,920 What are you doing, monkey man?! 245 00:12:14,40 --> 00:12:15,400 Get down at once! 246 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,40 Do you hear me? At once! 247 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,240 I've never seen anything like it! 248 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,00 Thank you, Mickey, love. 249 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:23,160 Get down at once, or I'll call Security! 250 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,600 (WHISPERS) Thank you. 251 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,640 (DOORBELL RINGS) 252 00:12:37,40 --> 00:12:40,280 Hi. I've got a frog for a Mr Denton. 253 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,760 A what?! 254 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,40 A frog. 255 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,600 How dare you, sir?! 256 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,120 In this house, 257 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,80 we do not use the F-word. 258 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,680 This...is a toad. 259 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:12,640 Yes? 260 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:16,760 Hello, Dave? 261 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,80 I'm sorry? 262 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,120 Is that Dave? 263 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,880 Oh. No, | think you've got the wrong house. 264 00:13:22,00 --> 00:13:23,80 OK. Is Dave there? 265 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,40 No, there's no-one called Dave here. 266 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,360 OK. 267 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:29,880 Dave? 268 00:13:30,00 --> 00:13:32,200 My wife would like to use your toilet. 269 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,320 No, | don't think that... 270 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,640 Oh! Ah! 271 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,160 - Oh! - (DOG WHIMPERS) 272 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,80 Don't worry, Dave, she won't go in the sink again. 273 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,800 (SPEAKS GIPPOG) 274 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,720 - Wanna buy some pegs, Dave? - I'm sorry? 275 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,920 I've got some pegs belonging to you. 276 00:13:55,40 --> 00:13:56,600 No, I'm all right for pegs, thank you. 277 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,120 - Is your wife... - My wife? 278 00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,880 - ...yes, is she...? - Don't worry, dear, 279 00:14:00,00 --> 00:14:02,480 she won't be long. Get sat down if you like. 280 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,40 No. There's been a misunderstanding. 281 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,360 - (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) - You're in the wrong house. 282 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,840 (SPEAKS GIPPOG) 283 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,520 Dave, my wife tells me there's a block in your toilet. 284 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,40 No, there isn't. 285 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,320 There is now. 286 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,960 Sit down, Dave. My wife will begin the reading. 287 00:14:19,80 --> 00:14:20,760 - (SPITS) - Ugh! 288 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,680 I've got nothing against you... travelling people, 289 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,680 but | don't want my palm read. 290 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,680 You're intruding on my property. 291 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,120 I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 292 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,560 Aargh! 293 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,640 (SPEAKS GIPPOG) 294 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,800 You're not Dave. 295 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,640 Yes, | Know - this is what I've been trying to tell you! 296 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,840 It's OK, Dave. My wife will continue to read your fortune, 297 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,520 but you must cross her palm with silvers. 298 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:46,880 | haven't got any silver. 299 00:14:47,00 --> 00:14:49,600 Ow! That's my wedding ring! 300 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,280 This is just a Saga now. 301 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,160 I'm going to toilet, Dave. 302 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,680 But I'll be back in a moment. 303 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,920 Please, you have to help me! He thinks I'm his wife! 304 00:15:12,40 --> 00:15:13,600 - What?! - He made me go with him. 305 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,840 - Please help me. - Who is he?! 306 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,40 | don't know! He just came to my house! 307 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,920 But you speak to him! That language... 308 00:15:20,40 --> 00:15:22,480 | make it up. It's gibberish. 309 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,440 - (TOILET FLUSHES) - He's coming back. 310 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,720 Please do as he says, and don't make him angry. 311 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,760 He can do things. 312 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,200 - Dave? - (SQUEALS) 313 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,520 My wife was right. 314 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,880 There is a block in your toilet, but, um... 315 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,360 ...|'ve fixed it now. 316 00:15:46,00 --> 00:15:47,200 Thank you. 317 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,600 That's OK. 318 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,680 Dave? 319 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,160 Y-Yes? 320 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,360 Ottom... 321 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,680 ...Sprau... 322 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,280 .. cana... 323 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,680 ...tik bana... 324 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,320 ...Sanduo... 325 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,200 ...bat no sera smee? 326 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,120 Um... 327 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,720 Uh, p-p... 328 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:21,40 P-Pr-Preto, colov sh-shtaema, 329 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,760 filitov...c-caralam 330 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,200 pretov fish tine? 331 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,200 Of course you can! 332 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:33,920 We'd love you to join us! 333 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,00 (GASPS) 334 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,960 Oh, you're my wife now. 335 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,160 (INHALES DEEPLY) 336 00:17:07,00 --> 00:17:09,280 - (CHAINS RATTLE) - (PANICKED BREATHING) 337 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,320 - (SHOP BELL DINGS) - (BOTH LAUGH) 338 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,600 Ah! 339 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,240 What can | do for you, young sir? 340 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,160 Um, pound of director's sausages, please. 341 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,280 What's that caterpillar on your top lip? 342 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,840 Has your dad not taught you how to shave yet? 343 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,520 (CLICKS HIS TONGUE) 344 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,440 Have you got pease pudding? 345 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,40 | daresay. 346 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,400 And...um... 347 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,480 ...can | have some of your special stuff? 348 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,320 (KNIFE FALLS ONTO COUNTER) 349 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,360 You planning on going to this funfair, then? 350 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,80 | expect so. | enjoy a turn on the Ferris wheel. 351 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,720 Please, Mr Briss. 352 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,240 | really wanna give it a go. 353 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,640 Don't know what you're talking about. 354 00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:58,800 | reckon I'm ready for it. 355 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,360 Do you now? 356 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,800 Come on. 357 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,680 On your way. There's a good kid. 358 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,280 Let me have some, Mr Briss, or you'll regret it. 359 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,680 Donte... 360 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,680 ... threaten me. 361 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,80 I'll go to the bobbies. 362 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,80 | mean it. 363 00:18:27,40 --> 00:18:28,560 (BELCHES) 364 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,80 Is there a problem, Hilary? 365 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,00 No, Inspector Cox. 366 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,440 | think young Mr Collier was just leaving. 367 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,120 (SHOP BELL DINGS) 368 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,880 - (MONEY RUSTLES) - (DOOR CLOSES) 369 00:18:48,00 --> 00:18:50,120 (ALL CHUCKLE) 370 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,440 (FAIRGROUND MUSIC) 371 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,360 (CHATTER) 372 00:19:25,80 --> 00:19:26,920 (ACCORDION MUSIC) 373 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,480 Two, please. 374 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,800 It's all right, Mickey, love. It's only a man in a dress. 375 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,600 What are you gonna do, Pauline? 376 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,280 Don't worry. 377 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,960 I'll think of something. 378 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,320 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 379 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,720 HARVEY: Val?! 380 00:20:08,80 --> 00:20:09,200 You're not listening, Val. 381 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:14,600 Specimen 397, the Colombian natterjack, 382 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,400 also Known as... 383 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,320 ...the Devil's toad. 384 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:20,680 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 385 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,440 Many are the tales 386 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,560 attached to this poor, misunderstood little fella. 387 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,920 The Mapapa tribe of the Shakti Hills 388 00:20:28,40 --> 00:20:29,560 believe this animal to be 389 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,680 a source of great magical power. 390 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,40 They do say that if one were to squeeze 391 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,680 his little yellow belly, 392 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,640 one's heart's desire would be granted. 393 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,400 Of course, if only life were that simple, 394 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,320 - | would've wished for a... - (TOAD CROAKS) 395 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,640 ...self-lowering lavatory seat 396 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,520 a long, long time ago. 397 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,400 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 398 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,80 That reminds me. 399 00:20:58,80 --> 00:20:59,520 Time to make toilet. 400 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,400 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 401 00:21:19,40 --> 00:21:20,320 (HUMS) 402 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,440 (TRICKLING) 403 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,480 Pebble! How's it going? 404 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,480 - Good audience? - Not bad. 405 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,600 | see you've got another one. 406 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,600 - (APPLAUSE) - Yes. Put her with the rest. 407 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:48,880 Yes, Papa Lazarou. 408 00:21:49,00 --> 00:21:50,880 I've got to get on with the show. 409 00:21:51,00 --> 00:21:52,480 (LAUGHS) 410 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,80 (APPLAUSE) 411 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,00 (APPLAUSE) 412 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,160 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 413 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,120 - My name is Papa Lazarou... - No! No! (WHIMPERS) 414 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,720 - No, please! - ...and I'm here tonight 415 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,120 to demonstrate my amazing psychic powers! 416 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,400 - (ALL GROAN AND WAIL) - (GATE CLATTERS SHUT) 417 00:22:18,40 --> 00:22:20,160 Oh, no! No! No! 418 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,720 (ALL SCREAM) 419 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,40 (BOTH LAUGH AND WHOOP) 420 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,640 | sense grief. 421 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,120 Are you grieving? 422 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,600 Yes. 423 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,600 | sense it was for someone...close. 424 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,920 Yes. Me husband George. 425 00:22:45,40 --> 00:22:46,200 Was it... 426 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,40 ... your sister Mary? 427 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,560 No, it was me husband George. 428 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,600 So who is this Mary? 429 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,320 | don't know. 430 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,320 Then why do you grieve for her so? 431 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,600 - | don't. - Good. 432 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,360 Because she tells you not to grieve. 433 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,400 (APPLAUSE) 434 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,440 Ask her who she is. 435 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:10,800 Do | know her? 436 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,600 No, you don't, so you must let her go! 437 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,440 Let her go and be in peace! 438 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,440 (WHISTLING AND APPLAUSE) 439 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,720 (GRUNTS) 440 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,00 But wait! 441 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,560 I'm hearing another voice. 442 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,400 His name... 443 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:32,760 ...1S George. 444 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,720 George? C-Can | speak to him? 445 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,200 No, he's dead, 446 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,960 but you can speak to him... 447 00:23:40,80 --> 00:23:41,560 ... through me. 448 00:23:43,00 --> 00:23:44,240 (MURMURS) 449 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,320 Now | am George. 450 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,480 - George? - Yes. 451 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,360 l-Ils that you, George? 452 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,320 Yes, it is. ASk me a question. 453 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,720 - Say my name, George. - All right... 454 00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,200 What's your name? 455 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,600 Annie. 456 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,40 Hello, Annie. Gve us your wedding ring. 457 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:04,520 - What? - Your wedding ring. 458 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,80 - Give it to Papa Lazarou. - Why? 459 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,400 Just do it. I'm dead now. 460 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,320 There's no point in having it. Come on! 461 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:15,160 Oh... Oh... But... 462 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,800 ...are you all right, George? 463 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,160 Are you happy? 464 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,160 Yes, I'm fine. It's nice in heaven. You'll like it. 465 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,600 I'm fading now, Annie. 466 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,40 Goodbye. Goodbye. 467 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,160 (APPLAUSE) 468 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:31,920 (CHEERING AND WHISTLING) 469 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,760 Ah... 470 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,320 You're my wife now. 471 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,680 - (DEMONIC LAUGHTER) - (THUNDER RUMBLES) 472 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,120 My weight is 17 stone. 473 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:56,80 The circumference of my neck is 18 inches. 474 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,320 The span across my hand is... 475 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,840 BOTH: Seven and a half inches. 476 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,760 The w-width across my shoulders IS... 477 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,440 BOTH: 26 inches. 478 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,560 My... My, er... 479 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,440 Three and a half inches! 480 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,600 BARBARA: It's not even a real beard! 481 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,640 Ooh! I'm more of a freak than she is! 482 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,320 PEBBLE: Roll up! Roll up! Win a goldfish! 483 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,520 Each one alive, alive, alive, alive! 484 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,480 I'll try my hand. Now, there's a knack to this. 485 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,160 I'll just take a step back, if | may. 486 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,520 (DONG!) 487 00:25:41,40 --> 00:25:42,680 (WHISTLES AWKWARDLY) 488 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,120 (GHOSTLY WAILING) 489 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:58,280 - Is that a bag on his head?! - | think it is, yeah. 490 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,560 (BOTH SCREAM) 491 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,560 Agh! Ah! Oh! 492 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,280 Ladies and gentlemen, 493 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:11,480 mesdames et messieurs, Damen und Herren... 494 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,920 ...| give you 495 00:26:15,40 --> 00:26:20,560 Le Terrible...Enfant...Oiseau! 496 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:29,880 (MURMURING) 497 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,120 (GROANS) 498 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,880 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 499 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,240 SIMBA: Boss! Boss! The guys wanna pack up and leave! 500 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,00 These people freak me out! 501 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,560 | Know what you mean. 502 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,920 Let's get out of here! 503 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,160 (TRICKLING) 504 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:25,400 - (WHIRRING) - (GASPS) 505 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,360 Val! 506 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,600 Val, you will not believe what | have just...! 507 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,440 - What are you doing?! - (KNOCK AT DOOR) 508 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,200 Don't open it. 509 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,920 There's somebody there! 510 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,320 - Don't answer it! - | must! 511 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,520 Va-a-a-al! 512 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,200 (CHAINS RATTLE) 513 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:07,920 It's... It's Benjamin! 514 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,960 Benjamin, where have you been?! 515 00:28:15,40 --> 00:28:16,440 Local. 516 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,360 (GROANS)